what
I have done, nor will I keep to myself how well I can serve my King without
pay. It is an enormous crime that I have committed, and for that I pay dearly,
and I have run and am running the greatest risks that in all honesty I am not
afraid of, and that I have advised and I can now show all these witnesses of as
proof of what I have endured in the Indies, and in many other places, and if
not I will content myself with disclosing how I fare at this Court, where they
will not even look at me, and this proves such a step. I only need to know how
long will such cruelty be used against such a pious cause, and to such good
will as mine, and considering what is worthwhile at the present time, or will
be worthwhile in the future, may God be with both of us – He who knows how valuable
this case is – and that I am neither made of bronze nor was born sanctified in
order to endure so much suffering for no reason.
I
therefore ask, and since I will not be allowed to transport such great and rich
cargoes, of so many divine and human merchandises, rightfully carrying their
weight and unloading it at their own homes, without even asking me how heavy
that weight is, nor how much it is worth, nor even to find someone who can say
how heavy that weight is, so that we may divide it by three, and also into
smaller parts. I reply that immense is the bitterness produced by the toils,
the discomforts, the property expenses, and by depriving oneself of one's own
assets to the benefit of others', and in short, that wanting and knowing plenty
about suffering is not for everybody, not even for those who tell me that they
would not want to set foot in my labyrinths but try to save themselves, as if
the salvation of many were to deprive them of the salvation they desire, being
certain financial expense aid for higher levels of glory. This I say, speaking
to those that understand me, and I ask them again: who are those who would take
up this challenge, or whose turn is it to command my permission, or release me
from my very many burdens, and to see that after having struggled against what
is being said and what is being unsaid? Here I am in need of having to argue
and to write as a great Theologian, Canonist and Philosopher, being only a mere
sailor and soldier. And I also ask, who are those who shall bear God's justice,
so many souls, and so many assets that are lost each day in all those
provinces, in whose name, and of its peoples. From the Empire to the centre
shall I later submit a tight protest memorial, and speak so clearly that a yes
or a no would immediately come my way, so that I will know what I am supposed
to do with this Godly cause that I bear on my slim shoulders, with those many
orphans left without a guardian or a defender, but I would like to remind you
that my lack of opportunity is not just for any reason I know, because
financial means are not lacking, being so much available for such minimal
causes, even more so in Perú, where the journey will start. So many souls under
the care of Your Majesty – both in the present and in the future – will lose
their natural right to see and experience the joy of God for the rest of their
eternity, not even if there were mistrust worthy of fear, for God can do as
much as He wants, and God has discovered the lands, and Your Majesty leads them
conveniently, and all and every hundred thousand commanders there would be, you
can well sustain them from such a very small Spain. And I would also like to
know, sir, the reason why I am not being informed on the state of this cause,
so that I can attempt to request and ask, answer, reply and persist, until I
receive some meagre help to spread the word of God: twelve Capuchin monks – a
petition that cannot be denied, nor contradicted, nor conscientiously halted.
Above
all, having done and said as much as has been noted down, and on such a great
offer on such a great cause, with as many consequences as a thousand speeches
would show, not including those that would not merit writing about, and every
one of them lends itself to the defence of its pros and cons, and with more
than a thousand strong reasons, I am not aware, sir, of what you will say, nor
of the treatment I will receive, but it is all